Parenting Isn’t Easy—But Neither Were We: Lessons from Both Sides of the Mess

Terrible twos. Troublesome threes. Preteen drama.
It seems like we’ve come up with a phrase to describe how kids can be a handful at every stage of life. Don’t worry—there are terms for us adult “kids” too.

I won’t lie—sometimes kids really can drive you up the wall. They’re not little angels 24/7, but hey, they’re our kids, so we give them a pass (most of the time).

Looking back at my own childhood, I have to admit—I probably deserved a few of those punishments I got. I said my share of “no’s” and talked back more times than I can count. It starts with “don’t put that in your mouth,” “don’t stick your finger there,” “hurry up and get dressed,” “finish your food,” “go to bed!” Then, as they get older, it escalates to: “don’t do drugs,” “don’t get pregnant,” “don’t take the car without asking!”

Sometimes it feels like all we do as parents is tell our kids what not to do.

It’s hard—I get it. Often, the only time we jump into “parent mode” is when something’s going wrong. We’re trained to intervene mid-misbehavior in hopes of correcting it. But when our kids are behaving? We breathe a sigh of relief, quietly enjoy the peace, and move on to the next crisis.

Especially when you have more than one kid, it’s tempting to think, “They’re quiet? Thank goodness. Let me just soak this in.” Until the next mess explodes in the living room.

That old-school mindset? Yeah, I fall into it too.

Then the blame game begins. I catch myself blaming my own parents for how they raised me—too much discipline, not enough praise, not enough explaining. But here I am today, still trying to figure it out myself, defaulting to the same “bad cop” routine I once resented.

Sometimes I wonder if our kids are really trying their best. Remember Dennis the Menace? He caused chaos, sure—but half the time, he was just trying to help or satisfy his curiosity.

As parents, we’re trying our best too—just trying to raise kind, respectful, capable human beings. It’s inevitable we’ll hand out some consequences. But I hope we don’t forget to balance discipline with encouragement. To sit down, talk with our kids, explain things, and remind them: One mistake doesn’t define you. You’re good enough to grow beyond it.

And for those of us who are now grown-up kids?
Let’s also take a moment to forgive. Our parents weren’t perfect, and neither are we. Some childhood wounds are deep—and if that’s the case, talking to a therapist might be the best path forward. But for the smaller stuff, maybe it’s time to let it go.

Remember the good times. The laughter. The lessons. The moments of grace. All of it shaped us into who we are today. And now we get to choose how we parent our kids—and how we relate to our parents.

No one said it would be easy. But maybe that’s the beauty of it—we’re all just learning together.