Finding Your True North: Breaking Free from “Do Not” Thinking

Habits of the mind are trained and developed from a very young age. Looking back, I can see the bad habits I formed as a kid—habits that made me comfortable and gave me excuses to avoid doing hard things. It was always easier to say “no” when I had a justification.

Now, as a parent, I get to watch my son navigate his world. He’s on the spectrum, and while he has his likes and dislikes like any kid, sometimes I see something in him that I lack. When he’s working alongside other kids, many of them focus on what they don’t want to do, what they can get away with skipping, or what they can avoid. But my son? Sometimes he gets so laser-focused on the prize—whether it’s a toy or a reward—that nothing else matters. He powers through the “I don’t want to” feelings, the “I can’t” doubts, and even the “I’m too tired” moments. He just really wants it, so he keeps going.

Then I look at myself. I don’t have the same excuse of being a child, yet as an adult, I find myself fixating on what I can’t do, what I’m scared of, or what I’m “too good” or “too tired” to attempt. Why can’t I tune it all out and chase the prize the same way my son does?

Growing up, I heard a lot more about what I should stop doing than what I should keep doing. I was trained to focus on what I wasn’t supposed to do, what I couldn’t do, and what I was incapable of doing. Sure, I also heard the “shoulds” and “musts,” but the ratio of “don’ts” to “dos” was way out of balance.

And I think that’s not just my story—that’s society. From parents to teachers to peers, we’re constantly warned, corrected, and guided by “don’ts.” Step outside society’s guidelines, and the punishment is often subtle but painful: being ignored, excluded, or pushed out of your circle. That fear of rejection can be more powerful than any punishment a parent could hand down.

Of course, there’s value in following moral and ethical boundaries. But when it comes to your mindset, ambition, motivation, and drive, society’s overemphasis on the “don’ts” can steer you away from your true path. Instead of following the direction God has laid out for you—or the compass in your own heart—you start following the crowd. You doubt yourself. You conform instead of walking your unique journey.

To keep moving forward, you need to recalibrate your compass to your true north. Not the one handed to you by peers, parents, or social media, but the one aligned with your authentic self and, if you’re spiritual like me, with God’s purpose for you. Don’t let others steer you off course.

Life’s fog will always roll in, but if you keep your eyes on your own north star, you’ll never be lost.