Breaking Free from the Trap of Comparison

It is not easy to look at others and resist comparing ourselves. Social media has amplified this temptation beyond measure. With just a scroll, we are invited into curated glimpses of other people’s lives—glamorous vacations, sparkling new cars, dream homes, promotions, perfect family portraits, and endless celebrations. From the outside looking in, it feels as if everyone else is living a better life, as if they have figured out something we have not. The illusion is powerful, and it feeds into an unhealthy cycle of comparison and self-doubt.

But for many of us, this comparison did not begin with social media—it started much earlier. I know because I grew up in an Asian household within a tight-knit Asian community. Comparison wasn’t just common; it was a way of life. Long before Facebook and Instagram existed, Asian moms had already created their own network of constant updates. They didn’t need an app; word of mouth spread quickly. Who bought the nicer car? Who moved into the better neighborhood? Who wore the more expensive outfit? These updates would pass through the grapevine like wildfire.

It didn’t stop with material things. The real competition came with children. Whose kid got the highest grades? Whose kid got accepted into the better school? Whose child was more talented at piano, violin, or math competitions? The measuring stick was endless, and no matter how hard you tried, it always felt like someone else was one step ahead. It was exhausting. And when you grow up in that environment, you internalize it. The habit of comparison becomes second nature, shaping how you view yourself and your worth.

As adults, this mindset doesn’t just go away. We carry it into our careers, our relationships, and our personal goals. If we are not careful, it becomes the lens through which we see everything. If we succeed, we downplay it because someone else has more. If we fail, we magnify it because it feels like proof that we are falling behind. And over time, this cycle doesn’t motivate us—it drains us.

What I have learned, especially after becoming disabled, is that comparison is not only harmful, it is also meaningless. The gap between what I could once do and what others can do now feels enormous if I measure it by their achievements. If I looked at life that way, I would constantly feel like a failure. But here is the truth: envy is a sin, and comparison is a trap. The people we are comparing ourselves to are not thinking about us. They are not measuring themselves against us. They are too busy living their own lives. So why should we give them so much power over our own happiness?

The only person worth comparing yourself to is yourself. Who were you yesterday, and who are you today? Did you grow, even in a small way? Did you take one step forward in your mindset, your habits, your patience, your kindness, your faith? These are the real markers of success. Improvement is not always about external accomplishments—it can be about becoming more resilient, more compassionate, or more grounded.

This shift in perspective is not easy. It took me years to understand it, and it is still something I remind myself of daily. But once you break out of the cycle of comparison, you find freedom. You start to see that life is not a race and that your worth is not tied to how you measure up to others. You begin to appreciate your own path, no matter how different it looks from someone else’s.

So here is the reminder: you are good enough. You do not need to prove your value by outshining someone else. Their story is not your story. Their timeline is not your timeline. As long as you keep improving, learning, and growing—even if only in small steps—you are moving in the right direction. And in that, you are already a winner.